Today, I am thankful for the clarity that comes with time.
It's amazing what you realize when you've had time to move on and see things in a more realistic context. I've learned that bullies and abusers are really the most fragile, terrified people, but they'll never, ever admit it. I've learned that everybody lies, everybody has trouble remembering things, and that being human isn't something to be ashamed of. I've learned what true forgiveness and love feel like, and that the latter involves frequent reminders while the former doesn't. I've learned that I knew all along what "support" meant, and shouldn't have believed the lies. I've learned that family doesn't have to be a dirty word, and that I can love mine despite what they did to me. I've learned that I am, in fact, a good person, even though I've done some bad things.
And I've learned that I mirror the people around me, and need to surround myself with positive people in order to be a positive person. This is where that imaginary delete button comes in. Bad influences, begone!
21 November 2011
20 November 2011
Giving Thanks, November 20th
Today, I am thankful for my boyfriend.
He cuddles me when I need it, and doesn't when I want to be left alone. He asks enough questions to show his interest, but doesn't interrogate me. He gets my jokes, and loves my geekiness. He says what I'm thinking, often precisely at the moment I say it, too. He is supportive without being pushy. He is forgiving and patient. He knows that we both need alone time and time with our friends, and that having that time apart lets us enjoy our time together that much more.
He is perfect for me, and I love him very much.
Now if only I could get him to not throw his clothes on the floor. ;-)
He cuddles me when I need it, and doesn't when I want to be left alone. He asks enough questions to show his interest, but doesn't interrogate me. He gets my jokes, and loves my geekiness. He says what I'm thinking, often precisely at the moment I say it, too. He is supportive without being pushy. He is forgiving and patient. He knows that we both need alone time and time with our friends, and that having that time apart lets us enjoy our time together that much more.
He is perfect for me, and I love him very much.
Now if only I could get him to not throw his clothes on the floor. ;-)
19 November 2011
Giving Thanks, November 19th
Today, I am thankful for time to myself.
As much as I love to cuddle and do all manner of mundane things with my boyfriend, sometimes I need to just curl up with the cats and a mug of cocoa and zone out for a while. Today is one of those days, and, as if someone were listening to what's going on in my brain, the fella's shooting buddy moved their range time from this afternoon to this morning, so I have the big, sunny house all to myself for a few hours.
Maybe I'll finish that third Capucine.
As much as I love to cuddle and do all manner of mundane things with my boyfriend, sometimes I need to just curl up with the cats and a mug of cocoa and zone out for a while. Today is one of those days, and, as if someone were listening to what's going on in my brain, the fella's shooting buddy moved their range time from this afternoon to this morning, so I have the big, sunny house all to myself for a few hours.
Maybe I'll finish that third Capucine.
18 November 2011
Giving Thanks, November 18th
Today, I am thankful for my stash.
As much of a pain as it's been to move so much yarn so many times in the last few years, I'm glad now that I went to the trouble. Always having materials to work with is a wonderful thing, especially when money's tight. Just last night I did a little stash diving to find yarn for yet another Capucine hat. I did rip out and re-knit the crown of the second one so it stays on my head now, but the colors in both that and the first one don't quite go with the other knitted things I like to wear. This one's going to be plain grey (recycled Goodwill sweater!) so it won't clash, and I've learned my lesson about trying to modify this particular pattern -- my head really is that big, and there really do need to be that many rows in the crown.
As much of a pain as it's been to move so much yarn so many times in the last few years, I'm glad now that I went to the trouble. Always having materials to work with is a wonderful thing, especially when money's tight. Just last night I did a little stash diving to find yarn for yet another Capucine hat. I did rip out and re-knit the crown of the second one so it stays on my head now, but the colors in both that and the first one don't quite go with the other knitted things I like to wear. This one's going to be plain grey (recycled Goodwill sweater!) so it won't clash, and I've learned my lesson about trying to modify this particular pattern -- my head really is that big, and there really do need to be that many rows in the crown.
17 November 2011
Giving Thanks, November 17th
Today, I am thankful for the delete button.
Sometimes, you just need things out of your life. Credit card offers? Delete. Fake Facebook friend requests? Delete. Male enhancement drug adverts? Delete. Messages from people who don't understand that no means no? Delete.
If only the rest of life had delete buttons... think how much simpler it would be! Unwanted advice from that pesky friend who thinks he knows everything? Delete! Awkward supermarket convo with someone you unfriended a year ago? Delete! Painful memories that always pop up at the worst possible time? Delete!
Someone should write an app for that.
Sometimes, you just need things out of your life. Credit card offers? Delete. Fake Facebook friend requests? Delete. Male enhancement drug adverts? Delete. Messages from people who don't understand that no means no? Delete.
If only the rest of life had delete buttons... think how much simpler it would be! Unwanted advice from that pesky friend who thinks he knows everything? Delete! Awkward supermarket convo with someone you unfriended a year ago? Delete! Painful memories that always pop up at the worst possible time? Delete!
Someone should write an app for that.
16 November 2011
Giving Thanks, November 16th
Today, I am thankful for automated phone answering systems that allow me to talk to a human being when I need to.
'Cause there's no menu option for, "I can't give you the paperwork by the day you expect it because I won't have it by the day you expect it. Alter your expectations."
And to the people who design automated phone answering systems that don't allow people to talk to human beings when necessary? Karma can be rough.
'Cause there's no menu option for, "I can't give you the paperwork by the day you expect it because I won't have it by the day you expect it. Alter your expectations."
And to the people who design automated phone answering systems that don't allow people to talk to human beings when necessary? Karma can be rough.
15 November 2011
Giving Thanks, November 15th
Today, I am thankful for temp agencies.
Now if the one here were just better staffed so I didn't have to spend 20 minutes on hold every time I called...
Now if the one here were just better staffed so I didn't have to spend 20 minutes on hold every time I called...
14 November 2011
Giving Thanks, November 14th
Today, I am thankful to have a yarn store nearby that has a knit night.
Sometimes, I just need to hang with knitters. Y'all understand, I'm sure.
Sometimes, I just need to hang with knitters. Y'all understand, I'm sure.
13 November 2011
Giving Thanks, November 13th
Today, I am thankful for my health.
It seems like an odd thing to be thankful for today, considering I had an especially painful bit of food poisoning around 2am, but getting through things like that reminds me of how rarely I get seriously sick. Sure, I have chronic pain, a host of mental health issues, and hyper-sensitive digestion, but they seldom lay me up for more than a day at a time. I get a cold maybe once a year, haven't had the flu since high school (and haven't had a flu shot in almost as long), and have learned the warning signs and preventative measures for the one thing that could put me in the hospital if not caught early.
And y'know what? I don't use any of that antibacterial/antimicrobial goop, I wash my hands with indy/handmade soap when they're dirty, and I don't eat anything special to protect myself from illness. I accept germs as part of life, and let my immune system do its job.
But I've just learned that Friendly's "Graham Central Station" ice cream and leftover fettucine alfredo do not combine well in my tummy. Ouchies.
It seems like an odd thing to be thankful for today, considering I had an especially painful bit of food poisoning around 2am, but getting through things like that reminds me of how rarely I get seriously sick. Sure, I have chronic pain, a host of mental health issues, and hyper-sensitive digestion, but they seldom lay me up for more than a day at a time. I get a cold maybe once a year, haven't had the flu since high school (and haven't had a flu shot in almost as long), and have learned the warning signs and preventative measures for the one thing that could put me in the hospital if not caught early.
And y'know what? I don't use any of that antibacterial/antimicrobial goop, I wash my hands with indy/handmade soap when they're dirty, and I don't eat anything special to protect myself from illness. I accept germs as part of life, and let my immune system do its job.
But I've just learned that Friendly's "Graham Central Station" ice cream and leftover fettucine alfredo do not combine well in my tummy. Ouchies.
12 November 2011
Giving Thanks, November 12th
Today, I am thankful for New England weather.
I know, given the crazy storms and such that have hit the region this year, it's an odd thing to be thankful for. I'm not saying that I'm glad we've had to endure post-apocalyptic living conditions several times this year. That was horrible, and we still haven't really recovered. What I am saying is that I enjoy waking up in the morning and not knowing for sure what each day is going to be like.
Earlier this week it was in the 60s and sunny. Yesterday we had flurries (or a blizzard, depending on how you see such things). It's the time of year when we layer clothes (because the day can go from puffy coat to t-shirt temperature by lunchtime, then back again come dinnertime), make sure there are gloves in every coat pocket and an ice scraper (and shovel, and blanket, and extra washer fluid) in every car, and bring an umbrella everywhere in case of precipitation that's rather more liquid than solid.
Because I don't check the weather report unless it's by accident or I'm planning a long trip, I get to be surprised every day. It's one of those little things that I find so pleasurable about living in New England.
I know, given the crazy storms and such that have hit the region this year, it's an odd thing to be thankful for. I'm not saying that I'm glad we've had to endure post-apocalyptic living conditions several times this year. That was horrible, and we still haven't really recovered. What I am saying is that I enjoy waking up in the morning and not knowing for sure what each day is going to be like.
Earlier this week it was in the 60s and sunny. Yesterday we had flurries (or a blizzard, depending on how you see such things). It's the time of year when we layer clothes (because the day can go from puffy coat to t-shirt temperature by lunchtime, then back again come dinnertime), make sure there are gloves in every coat pocket and an ice scraper (and shovel, and blanket, and extra washer fluid) in every car, and bring an umbrella everywhere in case of precipitation that's rather more liquid than solid.
Because I don't check the weather report unless it's by accident or I'm planning a long trip, I get to be surprised every day. It's one of those little things that I find so pleasurable about living in New England.
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