15 March 2010

Low Point

We were out of power for about two days, took a few years off the life of the fridge by running it off the truck's inverter, and were surprisingly productive. Now the snow is melting, mud season is starting, and I should be feeling better. Sadly, I'm not.

Depression has been weighing me down a lot lately, nudging me to sleep more, knit less, and spend way too much time reading threads on Ravelry. The causes and triggers are numerous; things like my birthday, my one-year anniversary on unemployment, and ongoing relationship issues all fuel this feeling of hopelessness that's so difficult to conquer. I keep trying to do things to break out of the cage, but they never quite work the way I hope they will.

For example, I started looking at colleges, because I regret not having the discipline to get my degree years ago, and I found a place that I fell in love with as soon as I set foot on campus. It's beautiful, it's small, it's relatively inexpensive (for a private school), but I still can't afford it, because student loans don't pay my car insurance or storage unit fees, and I'm not confident that I can do full-time school plus a part-time job and survive with my sanity intact. I did full-time job and part-time school for a few months back in '07, but that was trade school, which meant no homework or studying.

So, once again, I've fallen in love with an idea that probably isn't feasable. But how could I not fall in love with a place like this?



In an effort to give myself some confidence, I've started an ambitious project: Marianne Kinzel's Rose of England Design.


I know it doesn't look like much yet (that's part A... for those unfamiliar with the design, the large version ends with part M and is supposed to be 72" in diameter), but I only started yesterday. Maybe I'll have it done for Rhinebeck!

In the meantime, I'm going to write a cover letter for a job that intimidates me, re-write a college entrance essay, and do some sewing. Happy thoughts appreciated.

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