We've moved Dad to a nursing home close to the house because it became apparent that there was nothing else medicine could do for him. His liver is failing, and it's only a matter of time before it shuts down completely, taking the rest of his organs with it. He's eating remarkably well now that he has solid food in front of him, but the last week or so he's been sleeping more and more. For most of the hours I spend at his bedside I watch him sleep.
Work is picking up, so I have even less time to spend with Dad now. Double the volume of packages coming through our center means earlier start times, and while it's nice to start my commute in daylight and see a little extra in the paychecks, it's hard to deal with having fewer and fewer hours with my father as his time with us grows short. Still, I try to make the best of it, even though he recognizes me less and less frequently now. Part of him is at least still aware that I'm family, and I've been able to prevent a few falls and improper medications by being here, so I feel like I'm serving a purpose.
I'm hoping that, when he passes, the sudden uptick in activity for me (finding an additional job and moving back to Vermont) will help me deal with the sadness, on top of the normal Seasonal Affective symptoms. This winter is going to be rough, but keeping busy in a way that's useful and meaningful to me will help me get through it.